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My Arden’s Garden Two-Day(ish) Juice Cleanse Experience

So my friend convinces me that it will be an amazing idea to do one of those two-day juice cleanses. I’ve never been of a fan of them but figured that after raiding my kid’s Halloween bags for the last five nights, I could use some health in my life.

The cleanse involves drinking one gallon of water and one gallon of Arden’s Garden premade juice PER DAY. That’s a lot of liquid. The following is my experience.

Day One:

9:07AM My friend texts me to say he decided to start the cleanse tomorrow. I decide I hate him.

10AM  Hour two of the cleanse. I’m alive. The juice isn’t bad—a grapefruit citrusy situation.

10:22AM Hunger is starting to set in. Probably should have skipped Crossfit this morning.

10:55AM Feeling a little sad as people are starting to discuss lunch around my desk. I like lunch. Can I talk about lunch with you?

11:09AM While in the restroom, I do a sideways in the mirror look to see if I lost weight yet. I’m estimating I’ve lost 10 pounds this morning.

11:40AM I go to get more juice. I’m pretty certain someone in my office is refilling the two-gallon jug while I’m not looking. I’m onto you.  How could it possibly still be so full?

1:12PM I go to Target for lunch. Big mistake. Halloween candy is 50% off.  Cruel and unusual punishment.

1:50PM Is that bologna I smell? I think I’m hallucinating.

5:00PM Did you think I’d given up? No. I’ve just been ignoring the world. Because I hate the world.

6:10PM Oh look at that, I’m in the bathroom again.

6:15PM Is it possible that my skin is clearing up before my eyes? I literally think that’s happening. I found the fountain of youth! Again this could be a hallucination like the bologna.

7:00PM Hi bathroom.

7:54PM Having a stare down with the juice.  I’m afraid no one is winning.

8:57PM My husband arrives home after working late and finds me standing by the refrigerator gulping the juice down straight from the carton. He just shakes his heads and walks away.

9:23PM My husband is snacking on the couch next to me. I start googling divorce lawyers.

9:45PM I finish the gallon of water and don’t quite get through all of the juice. I’ve reached the end of my rope so I give up and go to sleep. Let me rephrase that, I go to the bathroom, then to sleep, then to the bathroom, then sleep….you get the idea.

Day Two:

6:05AM I’m awake and I’m hangry (hungry + angry). This is not a good start to my day. While packing my kids’ lunches I catch a glimpse of the fresh new gallon of juice that is waiting for me today. I slam the refrigerator shut and start making kissing noises and gestures towards my daughter’s peanut butter and jelly sandwich. How you doin’?

6:07AM My kids think I’m crazy. I actually believe that I am.

8:30AM I arrive at work. Barely. I see a banana on a co-worker’s desk. Helllooo there Mr. Banana, you look so fine you blow my mind.

9:03AM I receive an email reminding everyone that today is the office chili and baked goods cook-off. I slump down in my desk and give up my will to live.

10:21AM I’m in the bathroom because where else would I be. They really should have desks and outlets in there.

10:47AM Is it me or is everything on the world wide web about food? I receive an email for a recipe exchange. Don’t you people know I’m cleansing???!!!

11:23AM My coworkers don’t believe me when I say I remember when gas was just .99 cents a gallon. Man I’m old. And old people need to go to the bathroom. Again.

11:47AM Lunch talk is in full swing. I fear death is near.

12:00PM I smell food. Sweet, sweet food. I hear the angels singing.

12:02 I’m knee deep in vegetarian chili, baked brownies and a cold Coke. Someone tries to talk to me and I shove my hand in his face to move it along. This girl is done with her cleanse. Amen.

In summary, liquid cleanses are not for me. Like at all. I understand (not really) that some people swear by them but I just don’t see the health benefits in making myself miserable. The body isn’t supposed to survive on liquids alone. It needs chili and baked goods!crazy sexy diet, kris carr, 21 day cleanse, etsystalkers.com

Now I did do a 21-day clean eating cleanse back in the spring based on the  Crazy Sexy Diet Cleanse and it was amazing. You can read all about my experience right here.

Crazy, Sexy Diet: Day Six

crazy sexy diet, etsy, 21 day cleanse, vegan

I’ve lost the will to live. JUST KIDDING. I actually feel amazing today. I don’t know if it’s the weather, the new cute shirt I have on (that I’ve received zero compliments on RUDE), the cleanse or a mixture of all three, but I haven’t felt this good in a while.

This morning I headed to Crossfit , had a really strong workout and guzzled a ton of water. I’m still drinking my half-caffeinated coffee with no cream or sugar in the morning but I’m actually thinking I’m ready to take the step down to ¼ caffeinated tomorrow.  I know. The barista at Starbucks may actually call 911 when I tell her that news.

Today’s Eats: For breakfast I had a banana plus some cleanse-approved granola and for lunch I ventured over to Arden’s Garden for smoothie. Do you people know about Arden’s Garden? Unfortunately for you it’s only located in Atlanta right now but I’m sure there are similar places all over the country. I’ve actually been going on and off (more off) for a couple of years but never really understood their philosophy.

Today I sat down and talked to some of the employees and clients and by the time I left I felt like I was ready to buy stock in that place. Note: I’m easily swayed. If you’re looking to start a cult and have an argument that’s even half-way convincing, I’d most likely sign up within minutes.

crazy sexy diet, vegan, 21 day cleanse, etsy

Arden’s also offers a 21-Day Cleanse—I haven’t read all of the details but it seems pretty similar to the Crazy Sexy Diet Cleanse.  Every location offers fresh juice daily, “We’re purists. All our fresh juices and smoothies are made from fruits and vegetables, nothing else.”  You can even sit down and take four shots consisting of wheat grass, ginger, lemon juice and cranberry juice. I’ve watched people doing it before but today I actually sat down and participated. And now I’ll stop going on about Arden’s Garden (but it really is amazing).

And dinner tonight was AMAZE-BALLS. The hubby and I had a date night (yes on a Monday) and went to Cafe Sunflower, a local vegetarian restaurant. Their menu actually has everything labeled as either Vegan or Vegan and Dairy Free which was super helpful for a newbie like me. And now I present to you my cleanse-approved feast:

crazy sexy diet, vegan, 21 day cleanse, etsy photo 2

crazy sexy diet, vegan, 21 day cleanse, etsy

Things I’ve noticed:

  • Feeling awesome – no afternoon cloud. Yes really.
  • I’m trying new foods at new restaurants.

How am I feeling at the end of day six? Great! Onward to day SEVEN…

*Check out:

Day One 

Day Two  

Day Three

Days Four & Five

crazy sexy diet, kris carr, 21 day cleanse, etsystalkers.com