Sooooooo I just walked into my house and found my cleaning lady with her top off.

This is a true story people. And this is all it how went down:

I walk into my house.

My cleaning lady is sitting on the couch folding laundry.

I can’t help but glance down at her overflowing bossom region.

I try to look away.

She stands up.

I can’t look away.

She’s wearing no shirt. There is only a VERY revealing bra covering her VERY big bossoms.

I seriously can’t look away. It’s physically impossible to speak. What do I do? Where do I look? I’m freaking out here people.

She starts apologizing and saying she was warm so she took her top off.

It’s April and 70 degrees outside. And she’s from Brazil.

I still can’t look away.

I slowly back toward the thermostat located approximately 10 steps from where she was sitting.

I have no idea what to do next so I do what normal person would do in this situation, I post it on Facebook. That post quickly receives more likes, shares and comments than anything else I’ve ever posted about in my life. And now I’d like to share with you my most favorite comments:

  • I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this movie.
  • OMG!! Was she trying on your clothes or something or just hot?
  • I’m posting this to my wall. I’m not asking permission either. This is gold.
  • Bra status?
  • Was she playing Carly Simon’s Let the River Run or watching Working Girl? This is amazeballs.
  • We’re looking to hire a new cleaning lady, can you please email me her contact information.
  • This feels more like an Instagram moment to me.
  • How were the boobs?
  • This is exactly why God created the Internet.
  • That’s amazing. Would have been better if it was the pants not the top, but only to find out if she really is Brazilian.
  • I wonder what your cleaning lady’s FB status is?
  • How does the cleaning lady have plastic enhancement and we don’t?
  • Also: what music was she playing? And also, how were her abs?
  • This could be a great Seinfeld episode.
  • Will you just invite us all over? We all have a lot of questions and this is the best stuff any of us have heard in a long time. Or ever. We will all bring alcohol and food. We just all need clarity on this situation.
  • You win Facebook today. Or lose? Either way: thank you.

Happy, happy, joy, joy! April’s STITCH FIX review!

stitchfix

If you aren’t familiar, Stitch Fix is a personal styling service for us ladies. When you sign up, you can personalize your fixes to your style, size, clothing budget, and lifestyle (Do you work in an office? Do you work with baby spit all over you?) Then you’ll receive a package of 5 awesome pieces to try on at home (i.e. no awkward fitting room lighting).  What will this pieces consist of? Well, that’s up to you (and them). Let’s say you’re in desperate need of some spring dresses – just go to your profile and send a request for dresses that month. Or let’s say your ears are feeling naked, just ask for some jewelry to go along with those dresses.

stitch fix; etsystalkers.com, personal stylist; summer; summer outfits; summer fashion; summer dresses;

 

Each box comes with a style card that gives you tips on how each item can be worn. This is really helpful to me because sometimes I just stare at clothes not knowing what to wear them with (true story). Don’t like some of the items you got? Just keep what you like and send back the ones you don’t in the included prepaid postage bag.

There is a $20 styling fee that is applied to your order if you decide to keep any of the pieces. If you don’t keep anything, you don’t receive a refund of the fee. And if you keep all of the pieces, you get a 25% discount on everything!

Sooooo here is my April Fix (sorry to disappoint but I’m not into selfies :)

stitch fix; etsystalkers.com, personal stylist; summer; summer outfits; summer fashion; summer dresses;

I received three shirts, one pair of jeans and a bracelet. And guess what? I kept EVERYTHING in my fix!!!  I swear that these people must sneak into my room at night and measure me because it’s usually so freaking hard to find a pair of jeans that actually fit me. And to top it off, I’ve received so many compliments on the tops. If you haven’t tried Stitch Fix yet, I highly suggest it. It’s super fun and makes me feel extra hip (and that’s no easy task).

stitch fix; etsystalkers.com, personal stylist; summer; summer outfits; summer fashion; summer dresses; stitch fix; etsystalkers.com, personal stylist; summer; summer outfits; summer fashion; summer dresses;

stitch fix; etsystalkers.com, personal stylist; summer; summer outfits; summer fashion; summer dresses;

 

THROW BACK THURSDAY: I’m currently eating a piece of cake while shopping online for bathing suits. It’s not good people.

Yep, it’s already Thursday. The eve of Friday. One of the most awesome times of the week. So without further ado, I bring to you another one of my old-timey (2012) favorite posts….
THROW BACK THURSDAY; ETSYSTALKERS.COM

I’m currently eating a piece of cake while shopping online for bathing suits. It’s not good people.

Annnnd I just licked the plate. AWKWARD. I would unbutton my pants too but I’m at work.

Why am I looking at bathing suits? I’m glad you asked. On Thursday I’m heading to SPRING BREAK 2012 (otherwise known as my friend’s wedding) in Key West.

What I should really be doing is purchasing an actual wedding gift. The couple is super artsy and hip (like me;) which is why I’m dying to get them this awesome piece of art from Dolan Geiman. It’s 3-D people.

If you don’t happen have a SPRING BREAK 2012 (otherwise known as my friend’s wedding) coming up, there’s plenty of other art – like this rad guitar.

And if you do happen to have Spring Break on the horizon, check out my favorite picks:

Rad Jewelry With Even Radder Prices.

Radder is a word, right? Let’s go with it (I’ll add it into Wikipedia just to make it official).

hatch jewelry; mother's day gifts; etsystalkers.com; mother's day

Anyhoooo, I recently learned about Hatch Jewelry and I had to share. It was created out of passion for exceptional design and establishing  emerging independent jewelry designers. More than just a shopping destination, Hatch Jewelry is a place to connect, learn and participate in the process of bringing unique, contemporary jewelry to market. And now you can get $30 Off for Easter plus free shipping with code EGG30!

You have to check out Hatch because you can read about the designers and where they find their inspiration, etc. I literally love everything, but narrowed it down to just a few of my favorites below.

Susan Domelsmith; branch ring, hatch jewelry; handmade jewelry;  mother's day; mother's day gifts

Branch Ring | $42

Get $30 Off for Easter plus free shipping with code EGG30!

ChristineHuber; prism cuff bracelet; hatch jewelry; etsystalkers.com;  mother's day; mother's day gifts


Prism Cuff Bracelet | $132

Get $30 Off for Easter plus free shipping with code EGG30!

JoannaBengoa; etsystalkers.com; message cap necklace; hatch jewelry;  mother's day; mother's day gifts

Message Cap Necklace | $160

 

JaclynMyer; etsystalkers.com;  Annabelle Bracelet;  mother's day; mother's day gifts

Annabelle Bracelet | $92

Get $30 Off for Easter plus free shipping with code EGG30!

IT’S TIME FOR THROWBACK THURSDAY…

THROW BACK THURSDAY; ETSYSTALKERS.COM

In honor of Throw Back Thursday, I’ve decided to bring back one of my favorite posts of all time from April 3, 2012 (exactly two years ago today) and very appropriate as we approach Spring Break next week!

The hubby woke up frantic because he thought Darren missed the school bus. Ummm – we’re in the middle of spring break.

I do believe we have a new father-of-the-year nominee on our hands. Hey at least it’s not just me that gets confused easily. Between the two of us, we can get our kids to the right place, at the right time at a 95% success rate. Not too shabby if you ask me.

To remind the hubby that he’s not a complete failure in life, I’m going to cheer him up with one of these hilarious cards from Sad Shop. And I think I’ll ahead and buy some for myself as well (because you can never get enough Amazeballs cards in the mail.)

 

I’m dreaming of a beach vacation. I mean really, who isn’t?

Amazon.com;  etsystalkers.com; Coleman Road Trip Beach Shade

Coleman Road Trip Beach Shade

Amazon.com; etsystalkers.com; Inflatable Beach Ball

Inflatable Beach Ball

Amazon.com; etsystalkers.com; "Cacala" Turkish Towel Peshtemal Bathrobe

“Cacala” Turkish Towel

Last inning, down by one point, two outs and two boys on base…

“D.S (my son) is up to bat.”

Heart attack.
Cheering!
Stomach ache.
Pitcher throws.
D.S misses.
Cheering gets louder!
Pitcher throws.
D.S. misses.
The crowd is on their feet.
I am hiding my eyes.
Pitcher throws.
D.S. hits the ball.
The crowd goes wild!
D.S. runs as fast as his little legs will take him but gets tagged at first base.
OUT!”
Game over.
D.S., “What’s for dinner?”

I spent two hours at the Vital Records office and it made me want to stop my own vitals.

air plant gift; etsy blog; terraium; air plant pod; spring 2014; spring flowers; etsystalkers.com

My task: Going down to the Vital Records office to pick up an official copy of my daughter’s birth certificate for school registration next year.

Their task: Taking the already filled out form and $25 cash from my hand and pressing print.

Time expectancy: Ohhh I thought about three-five minutes.

Time reality: Two hours (not counting the time I spent showering after I got home to wash away the disgusting cooties that jumped on me while waiting. And waiting. And waiting.)

air plant gift; etsy blog; terraium; air plant pod; spring 2014; spring flowers; etsystalkers.com

Two days later I’m still trying to understand what was going on in that office. I witnessed a lot of wandering. And disappearing. And eye rolling (mostly from me). And blank stares. The whole situation actually reminded me of trying to get my son out the door to school in the mornings. But he’s six. And not getting paid. And did I mention that he’s six? It’s sort of his job to wander and give me blank stares.

The only reason I finally received the certificate is because I went up and asked when it would be ready. They then proceeded to tell me that ‘ohhhh, it’s ready and I must have been in the bathroom when my name was called.’ Ummmm no. I never had to go to the bathroom because I was stuck in a hot room with nothing to eat or drink for two hours.

Breathe in. Breathe out. In. Out.

air plant gift; etsy blog; terraium; air plant pod; spring 2014; spring flowers; etsystalkers.com

Now that I have that off my chest, I’m ready to discuss that today is Friday. And I love Fridays. I also happen to love that Spring may actually be arriving soon. And I shall celebrate with a terrarium kit from Bird and Feather. I bet this shop owner wouldn’t make me wait two hours without food or drink while placing my order.

  air plant gift; etsy blog; terraium; air plant pod; spring 2014; spring flowers; etsystalkers.com

 

 

 

 

IT’S TIME FOR THROW BACK THURSDAY…

THROW BACK THURSDAY; ETSYSTALKERS.COM

In honor of Throw Back Thursday, I’ve decided to bring back one of my favorite posts of all time from April 2011. It’s an oldie but still holds true. And it makes me really, really want to finally order a FitBit.

Fitbit Force Wireless Activity and Sleep Wristband; Etsy Stalkers; FitBit; etsystalkers.com

Free shipping with orders over $50 at Fitbit.com!

So without further ado, I bring back to you…

Last night I found myself shopping online for a full-coverage spandex-lined bathing suit. What am I, 60? No offense mom.

Enough is enough. I’m back on the eating healthy and exercising bandwagon as of now. OK, now. Seriously now. I’m counting on all of you to stop me if you see me about to dive into a vat of Nutella.

drywell; etsystalkers.com; ice cream art; ice cream cone; icecream diagram

Fortunately, there are etsy sellers out there like Drywell who have a great sense of humor about food. This pretty much sums up a hot dog in my mind (which is why I won’t eat them anymore).

drywell; etsystalkers.com; hot dog art; hot dog diagram; hot dog mystery; weiner

This one just made me laugh. Not LOL. Just L. And it sort of took my mind off of food, and lack there of it, for like a millisecond.

drywell; etsystalkers.com; milionaire voice; money sign

Wondering what all the Birchbox hype is about? Never heard of Birchbox? Here’s my review of March’s box.

birchbox; etsystalkers.com; birchbox review

So everyone is aware of the monthly box subscription craze that’s going on right now, correct? You could seriously get a box full of random meat products every month if you wanted. Personally, I do not want mystery meat (or any meat for that matter).

 birchbox; birchbox review; stila lip gloss; supergoop; agave healing oil; ghiradelli intense dark cherry; etsystalkers.com

What’s in the box???

What I do want are beauty products, which is why I subscribe to Birchbox. For only $10/month, you’ll receive a cute box full of items ranging from samples to slightly bigger sizes. And to make it even better, you can tell them which products you’re into and which ones don’t interest you so you don’t end up with a box of hair gel if you’re bald. AWKWARD.

I’ve actually been a subscriber for almost a year now and lurrrve it because I’ve found some amazing products and brands that I never would of known about if it weren’t for them showing up in my mailbox.

 birchbox; birchbox review; stila lip gloss; supergoop; agave healing oil; ghiradelli intense dark cherry; etsystalkers.com

All in all I was really happy about March’s Birchbox and I actually took pictures to share with you (it only took a year). Want to see what Birchbox is all about for yourself? JOIN HERE.

STILA LIP GLOSS

Birchbox Breakdown: These pretty glosses have been best sellers for years, and it’s easy to see why: The sheer pink-toned hues are universally flattering and the pen-style applicator makes them easy to apply. (We should know—we have put them on in the back of many a cab.) Plus, the built-in vitamin A, C, and E keep lips from drying out.

 birchbox; birchbox review; stila lip gloss; supergoop; agave healing oil; ghiradelli intense dark cherry; etsystalkers.com

My Breakdown: I freaking love this lip gloss and was really excited it landed in my box. I’ll probably purchase a full-size gloss once I run out of the one sent to me.

GILCHRIST & SOAMES LONDON COLLECTION BODY LOTION

Birchbox Breakdown: “Eco-friendly” and “spa-grade” don’t typically go hand-in-hand, but this luxe body lotion from Gilchrist & Soames manages to be both. A longtime supplier of some of the world’s most exclusive hotels, resorts, and spas, the London-born brand is dedicated to creating high-quality products while minimizing its environmental footprint.

My Breakdown: I’m into it but haven’t used it that much because I have some other lotion I’m still slathering on my skin. This winter is killing my once young skin. Yes it’s the winter and not my age that I’ll blame it on.

 birchbox; birchbox review; stila lip gloss; supergoop; agave healing oil; ghiradelli intense dark cherry; etsystalkers.com

SUPERGOOP!® CITY SUNSCREEN SERUM

Birchbox Breakdown: Day-to-day sun exposure requires the same precautions as an afternoon spent poolside. This light yet powerful serum fulfills that everyday need. Both a moisturizer and a broad-spectrum SPF 30, it fights the signs of premature aging—think fine lines and sunspots—and prevents future photo-damage from UV rays.

My Breakdown: I use it and I like it, but I’m not really sure if it’s better or worse than other products I use. I do love the small(ish) size I received because I can keep it in my purse without it taking up a lot of room. And hey you never know when you’re going to get caught in some sunshine (crossing my fingers that I’ll actually get caught in some sunshine at some point).

GHIRARDELLI INTENSE DARK CHERRY TANGO  & MIGHTY LEAF TEA

Birchbox Breakdown (Tea): Whether you’re a tea aficionado or a weekend water-heater, these hand-picked whole leaf blends will add a unique flair to your brewing collection.

Birchbox Breakdown (Chocolate): These melt-in-your-mouth treats from Ghirardelli’s Intense Dark collection make for a deeply satisfying, yet unexpected tasting experience.

My Breakdown: I always find it random when Birchbox sends food items (usually chocolates/teas/etc.). I LOVE the chocolate (what’s not to love?) but I’m not a tea drinker.

AGAVE HEALING OIL TREATMENT

Birchbox Breakdown: Mexico’s blue agave is best known as the source of tequila, but we’re also intoxicated by its ability to moisturize and strengthen hair. Agave extract is a key ingredient in this healing oil treatment created by Beverly Hills hairdresser Fernando Romero (Romero, an Acapulco native, calls agave “nature’s smoothing secret.”).

My Breakdown: If it good enough to make tequila, it’s good enough to shine up my hair. Seriously though, I really do like it and will probably buy some more because my hair needs all the help it can get. Plus it smells yummy (not at all like the tequilaI used to drink in college).

These are freaking re-deer-culous.

What to do when you have two twin beds and need some art to go above them? You get two deer heads from Banana Tree Studios of course.

banana tree studios, etsy.com, etsystalkers.com, deer head wall mount, painted deer head

When I saw them on Etsy, I knew I had to have them. And because Banana Tree Studios understands my intense and strange need to have deer heads in very specific colors, she customized them to exactly what I was hoping for.

I’m actually not really sure how I lived without these before, but now all is right in my world. Please note: No deers were killed during the making of this blog post. Now that would be Re-deer-culous.

banana tree studios, etsy.com, etsystalkers.com, deer head wall mount, painted deer head